Ta-Ta Tacos

I flashed my waiter last night. It wasn’t because of the added twist of lime in my guacamole either. There we were a family of 4 eating out for the first time since Ameila was born. It was apparent to everyone that we don’t get out much. My toddler is tossing tortilla chips on the floor while Clark is trying to explain the difference between a tostada, an enchilada, and a chimichanga. It was a rather enlightening way to pass the time until Miguel returned with my beer and Salem’s milk. We had chosen an end booth so I could discretely nurse Mia who was curled up in the baby sling. Yes, I am a nursing mother who occasionally partakes of adult beverages. I’m not saying I do belly shots after the kids go to sleep, but the 4oz prenatal tonic served me well during pregnancy and I have two healthy and thriving children– so don’t judge me. Anyway, in the middle of Salem’s chip throwing tournament and Clark’s dissertation on the proper way to order Mexican food, I didn’t notice that my nursing shawl had….er….“malfunctioned”. There I was in all my mama glory at the exact moment Miguel came to deliver my Miller Light. In an impromptu round of charades, Clark is frantically trying to communicate to me that I am no longer “kicking it family style” if you know what I mean. He began to shout in a whisper, “Below! Below!”… to which I, being deaf in one ear, responded, “Blow what?!” It was too little too late. Our safe for the whole family affair ended up turning into a happy hour peep show for Miguel, Miller, and anyone else who happened to glance up from their tacos at the perfect moment. What’s worse is that Clark has always been a little uncomfortable with nursing in public regardless of all efforts at discretion. I had assured him that I was not one of those women who abuse the privilege… whipping out their maternal bounty in shopping malls, at ball fields, and in airport terminals. I just have to say it. To all nursing mothers everywhere… Not everyone adheres to the motto that “breast is best” in public settings. Please be considerate of the innocent passerby who glances in your feeding direction and gets more than they bargained for especially if that passerby is of the male persuasion. There I said it. I understand that from mama’s point of view, she has gone from 9 months of feeling about as sexy as Aunt Jemima to feeling like Pamela Anderson from the chest up, and it is tempting to want to share her voluptuousness with the rest of the class. But on behalf of the non-lactating community, please…. Cover those things up! Well, I guess it serves me right. I certainly took a tumble off my soap box evidenced by my Janet Jackson escapade over Mexican food. Do you think this has anything to do with why Miguel didn’t charge us for the guacamole?

I would love to hear some of your most “revealing” nursing experiences.

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11 Comments

  1. theblossoms said,

    September 27, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    hee hee hee. oh you are funny. today, I nursed Leo in the Chick fila playground. It was a weirdly liberating but depressing experience where my inner mama similtaneously screamed “I am out of the house with 2 kids and no one is bleeding!! Victory!!” and “I am boob-out in a fast food playground and it feels like an accomplishment. Defeat.” Oh, and I was “covered” as much as one can be…I’m sure a roll or two was peaking from beneath my cover…and then there was Coltan lifting it completely to see his baby brother. Oh dear.

  2. Sarah said,

    September 27, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    Hilarious! Thanks for sharing. We are venturing out of the house for a wedding in Charlotte this weekend. I am filing your advice away, as I am quite sure this novice boobie-mama is going to acquire some stories of my own!

  3. Jordan Watts said,

    September 27, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Oh no you dih-unt! Guess it was happy hour for Miguel, too…

    Call me – I miss you!!!

  4. Tabatha said,

    September 27, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Way to go, free guacamole! I think you guys need a better code-word tho, hahaha.
    I think it is mandatory that nursing mommies have that moment. Or two.
    Either you are in a dressing room and someone bursts in with twin 5 year old boys right as you switch sides. Check.
    Or you could be sitting in Cracker Barrel with your in-laws having breakfast when a baby across the room begins crying. You then get to experience “sympathetic let-down” and have to go change shirts. Check.
    Oooorrr, you could be on the hidden side of some potted plants at a fast food joint when your early teething 3 month old suddenly bites you for the first time. Your shriek alerts the manager, who runs around the plants just after you pop her loose and stick a binky in so you can rub your abused nipple. I still blush about that one…

    • ladylullabuy said,

      September 28, 2010 at 3:10 am

      I am cracking up over here…. seriously, those are some great stories!

  5. Stacy Jackson said,

    September 29, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    Salina, I LOVE reading your blog! You are hilarious and so very transparent which is refreshing!

    I’m due with our 2nd boy in January and I’m starting to fear those “baby blues” that everyone so kindly calls them. Mine were not so “baby-sized”. Thanks for your encouraging words. It does help to know I’m not the only one!

    • ladylullabuy said,

      October 4, 2010 at 9:50 am

      Hi Stacy! Congratulations on your 2nd due in January. I cannot believe how much easier it was this time around. I must say that at least once a day! You will be so much more relaxed now that you know what you’re doing, and you’ll be able to enjoy your little bundle so much more! I’m glad you like the blog…. I hope it encourages you on your journey. You are NOT the only one!

  6. October 6, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    I love your blog! Subscribed today. What a fabulous writer you are Salina!

    • ladylullabuy said,

      October 6, 2010 at 7:03 pm

      Oh Kate! That means the world. I’m so glad you enjoy! Thanks for subscribing.


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